Learning to listen

With all the counseling that I have been doing I have been consistently recalling my training in seminary. One of the big ones for me is remembering the time when we taped "my" counseling session. I am a very visual learner. It is hard to forget a mistake when you actually watch yourself doing it. I remember the 80/20 rule we learned in class. The patient/counselee is supposed to speak 80% of the time and I/counselor am supposed to speak about 20% of the time. I had that firmly switched around in that first session. I spoke 80% and listened about 20%. I will not forget that lesson.

Things are changing for me now. When I listen now I want to understand before I say anything. It has become OK for us to sit in silence till they can put to words the reason they are coming to me. Silence can be awkward, but also necessary. It is at times a picture of what is happening in the person's life. The silence in itself speaks and reveals a part of the story. The challenge for us is can we sit with them in that moment. Are we willing, as Christians to experience another's pain will we in a sense pick up their cross and help them without saying or suggesting anything.

Simon, the Cyrene, who helped Jesus carry his cross is never recorded as saying anything. Not one word. Yet as we look back we can all see and sense the gratitude of our suffering Lord and Savior in that simple act. No words of advice, no exhortations…just silence.

Let us learn to walk with our acquaintances, those who come and are vulnerable to us, without trying to fix them until we know for sure that God is leading us to speak.

Please pray for me that I would continue to be lead by the Holy Spirt in the exploration of the pain and suffering of those he brings to my doorstep.

May the Lord expand your ministry also in this area of Christian ministry and allow you to be one who is able to bear the burdens of others in a way that opens them to the healing power and presence of our Lord and Savior. Amen

Look at this verse for additional reflection: Matthew 11: 28-30